In June 2021, that was when I last blogged. Within weeks I was scrambling to hold all my family members together and trying to stay afloat when the horrendous storms of life came upon us, one after the other. Today, as I am eventually feeling more settled, ready to revisit memories and putting my thoughts in ink, we have yet to completely free ourselves from the biggest storm of our lives.
The “Why” was the first obvious question we yelled at the Almighty. Then it was the “When” and it is the question we have settled for. When is this unbearable storm of life going to end, when will complete healing and restoration come, when will our hearts stop hurting… and as we ask, and continue to ask, we hang on to Him.
This season, I faced the toughest test of my faith. Never before had I ever cried, howled and screamed, or questioned, challenged and begged God the way I did. I prayed and cried, then cried and prayed some more not just in my waking moments but also in the threshold consciousness before sleep eventually engulfed me, and often times just before dawn. I broke out in groaning of prayers in my dreams too. It was during those moments when we were hit by wave upon wave in the raging tempest and immersed in the sea of helplessness gasping for air that I felt God closer, and heard Him clearer than ever before.
When I felt almost crushed, He whispered, “Trust Me! Do not be afraid.”
When I doubted, He asked, “Have I ever disappointed you?”
His embracing and assuring presence and peace pull us through. We find hope as we lift our eyes to Him. We are comforted by the love and edifying prayers of those who are close to me and have been on this spiritual roller-coaster ride with us selflessly from day one. I am further sustained by the joy of serving Him and I served the hardest during the time when the tidal waves were the craziest. God’s gentle Spirit teaches me that the more I feel defeated, the more I need to praise and worship Him. The heaviness in the atmosphere is lifted, and I am able to get up and stand on victory ground, alongside Him.
As for now, my parents, siblings and family and myself are doing as well as we can be. Lives are eternally secured and estranged relationships healed. We are still in the storm, but we are in the eye of the storm where calmness is found. God is there with us and we can exhale, catch our breath and we see better. It is a long journey of healing and restoration ahead but we are more composed and walking sure-footedly because we know we are not alone, and never have been.
After two challenging years of living life differently and especially with the merciless and violent tempests that drained us, I heard my own cry for rest and I am honouring it. I bid farewell to my job and entered into a season of rest just a week ago, for my body, mind, soul and spirit.
We are moving on, and we have moved on. God is good. We weathered the storm and will continue to brave the rest of it out, for His grace is sufficient for us.
We wait, we trust, we hope. In His time… He makes all things beautiful, in His time.