change, embracing change, Murphy Ng,

蜕变

成长的过程就是破茧为蝶,挣扎着褪掉所有的青涩和丑陋,在阳光下抖动轻盈美丽的翅膀,闪闪的、微微的、幸福的颤抖。— 无名氏 两天前收到一位远方朋友捎来的问候。她说她正处于一个要把她视为贵重的物件分配好的人生阶段。她问了我的地址,说要把她的圣经送给我。这位朋友才六十出头,是我当年在英国留学时非常照顾我、和我交心及视我为家人的忘年交。信里短短的几句话竟然让我呆了许久,也令我感触良多。很凑巧的,我和两位闺蜜最近也提到了一件必做但一直在拖延的事,就是立遗嘱。虽然我的产业不多,可是,还是要把该交待的交待好。 在最近这几年,我在岁末或岁首都会来个自我检讨。今年与往年不同,在封国和封城的情况下,我有了更多的时间去反思… 想的远远超越这一年来的经历和感受。这长远走来的一段路,我有何收获呢?遗嘱里将说明的都会是一些身外物,我人生路上的起伏跌宕、尝过的甜酸苦辣和蜕变的过程,就只能在这字里行间体会。这也许是几篇不成文的文章,也或许是多年后再拿出来读时,会令自己脸红的胡言乱语和一些零星的记忆而已。 过去两年出去转了一圈,让心流浪了一回,最终发现自己挂念的还是家。把放纵了两年的心情收回来,也把那七百多天的生活经历收进行旅箱后,回到老家,翻开人生新的一页。遗憾的是,事情并没想象中来的那么“完美”。虽然很快地找到了一份新工作,但却没有足够的时间让自己心理上得到松弛。投入新工作后,又因该死的 “雄心万丈” 而对自己过分的苛求,不自知的导致自己心力交瘁。最后的一棒是在面对混乱的行管令时,仍要有冷静的头脑处理公务,和带领不经事及不够镇定的团队。当时的压力排山倒海而来,我是招架不住了。所以,当公司暂停营业和工作时间减少时,我立刻来个精神上的大休假。 这沉淀的季节给了我充足的时间好好地休息。能停下脚步,静观四周,没愧疚感地透一口气绝不是偶然。我终于学会了需要休息的时候就不要逞强,不然总会有倒下去的一天。心灵上的疲惫不容被忽视,累了就坦承累了,休息吧! 这段蜗居的日子里,我是名副其实 “默默地”、“静悄悄地” 生活。这是我有史以来第一次让自己进入半休眠状态,不理世事。单身确实有单身的好。家人和朋友最后也是无可奈何的接受我单身的事实。抱独身主义从来就不是我的意愿,只是路途上遇到的都不是我能托付终身的人。而且,老套地说一句,岁月不留人 – – – 时间一年一年地过,而我也一年一年地想在事业上有所作为,回首时竟发现自己已成了 “大龄剩女”! 闺蜜曾透露说,当她看到我两年前庆生时的那份自信和知足,她释怀了!知我心的,可以清清楚楚地看到形单影只的我有我的乐趣;我孤单,但是绝不孤独。那是积极面对现实、自得其乐的心态。每个人的际遇不一样,不必执着。我早已学会不与自己不能左右的事纠缠。 喜乐不是一个季节的事,而是一种生活方式。知足,是不要只盼望着下一个季节的来临,而错过当下的岁月。 在这恬静的日子里我也没放弃学习的机会。虽然不能和其他充分利用这段时间而有大作为的人相比,但至少我寻回了当初对中文的热爱。我努力地恶补中文,希望能在教会翻译的服事上得神的喜悦。而我在闺蜜的鼓励下,也终于鼓起勇气第一次以中文写下这篇感想。当生活回归正常时,我还要尝试很多新的事物,让生活更精彩。人生是一连串的尝试、挑战和学习,不是吗? 家人和朋友的关怀陪我走过了这大半个世纪。十几年前的我是自私、自我的。当时反省之后,决定一定要定时抽空和家人相聚,尤其是父母已年迈。同时,还要时时提醒自己要主动和家人及不常见的朋友问好。工作不是生命的全部,享乐主义也不应是我要追求的人生目标。特别是前两年我只身在外,他们的一句 “我在这”,“我关心你” 和 “我想你” 是多么的令人振奋。当我心情低落或遇到困难时,他们鼓励我,同时提醒我软弱不是丢人的事,不必糟蹋自己,也不要什么事情都自己一个人扛。所以,我逐渐放下自尊和骄傲。 长长远远地走来,我从一个少不更事、青涩、倔强、轻狂和自以为是的黄毛丫头蜕变到今天的我… 生活的历练和上帝的恩典让我学会了沉着冷静、宽容宽恕、明智的取舍、站稳了脚跟和事事心存感恩。人生的蜕变过程是漫长的,是要以一生细细地去承受、体会、品尝和歌颂的。在未来的日子里,我仍然要坚持无止境地学习,继续成长,放宽视野和万事皆仰望造物者。 我在泪眼婆娑中写完了这篇剖白… 感谢主的带领和永不间断的眷顾。也衷心感谢陪伴我一路走来或在半途遇到的旅者,你们和我一起成长、一起蜕变,着实地点缀了我的人生。谢谢你们的相陪、鼓励、关怀和爱。前面的路还远,来日方长,愿能与你们继续携手前往!

new season, still standing, change is good

still standing

When I started to notice many whom I believe are keen crafters or festive decoration enthusiasts checking my old blogs on Christmas crafts out, I was reminded that the special season of the year is fast approaching and the year will soon draw to a close. It seems like it was only a few short…

decluttering, spiritual decluttering

when less is more

“Constantly choose rather to want less, than to have more.” — Thomas à Kempis Reflecting on the theme of “contentment” from our daily devotion on Every Day with Jesus, I decided that it was time to do some decluttering — to rid of some of the things that I no longer want or need and…

am I ready?

Most of us had never expected that we would experience a 6.0-magnitude earthquake in Kota Kinabalu in our lifetime as our state Sabah is outside the Pacific Ring of Fire, unlike our neighbouring countries the Philippines and Indonesia. The tremour we felt in KK early morning on 5 June lasted for only about 15 seconds…

red

The colour red — reminds me of Chinese New Year, which coincidentally happens to be two days away.  Almost everything relates to the Lunar New Year/ spring festival (春節) is in red, from the decorations with red tanglungs (lanterns), red peonies and red ornaments, red spring scrolls at the door, red fire crackers, red angpaus…

an end and a beginning

In a matter of hours we will be ushering in the New Year which will conclude an eventful 2014.  Looking back, although there have been many highs and lows throughout the year, probably more lows than the highs globally, nationally and locally, and even personally, I still have many things to be thankful for and…

a flower named Christ thorn

I have seen these spiny plants all over the place and many people grow them in their garden including my dad. Despite of the flowers that are quite sweet-looking mainly in red, pink, yellow or white, I always think the plants look ferocious with their sharp spines and I never want to get close to…

rejoice!

Last Sunday I woke up with a knot in my tummy! It was all because I had agreed to do the Chinese to English interpretation for an old classmate YT who would be preaching in his church that morning. I have been serving as an interpreter for the bilingual service at a sister church once…